Winter 1998, issue no. 86

Painting by Cosima

The News of the Oaks

It's been a quiet couple of months at Twin Oaks, our community home ....

Our 1998 economic plan is in place. Lower population is the big story. As of mid- February, we have a population of 75 adults and 8 children. The resulting labor shortage means no more phone answering credit, no credit for doing your own laundry, 6.5 hours instead of 7.0 for each members' birthday and anniversary holiday, and fewer hammocks production hours. Another big change is no more before-lunch kitchen shift (KI). Instead there are now three people assigned two hours each to do all KI and KII (after lunch) tasks.

Reducing hammocks was made easier by the fact that we often missed our hammock production goals over the past few years. In 1998 we expect to make many fewer hammocks than we did annually in the '80's when our population was last this low. This means less money, of course. Some big budget cuts affect food, clothing and vehicles. There is again no Weeds and Knots.

We did allocate resources for some new projects and purchases. The choice of investments below indicates the community still puts a high value on economics and spending money to improve working conditions.

A new/used rope machine. After nine months of talk and consideration, we bought one from the ex-Acorners who started Champlain Rope in upstate NY. It was not the model we preferred, so we turned it down several times, but eventually the price was too low to refuse . We will probably install it this spring, next to the present rope machine, once we get rid of a bunch of hammocks from the warehouse.

An easier-to-use sawmill, featuring hydraulic log handling.

A self-propelled pallet lift for Emerald City, which will save wear and tear on warehouse workers' backs and other body parts.

An enlarged and remodeled compost cafe, the smokers' courtyard handout, which is woefully inadequate for the dynamic social scene it has become during the last few years.

So, population is down. Reasons are varied and complex, but we believe we can do something about it through recruitment.

First, we are taking a turn as the return address for Federation of Egalitarian Communities (FEC) ads, so that we get more benefit from the ads. (Luckily, other FEC communities such as East Wind and Acorn are essentially full.)

Second, Twin Oaks is hosting an Art of Community Conference at the end of May, organized largely by the Fellowship for Intentional Communities (FIC) to promote options for cooperative living and to raise funds. T.O. will get paid for its work as host, will get valuable exposure, and many of us will enjoy having great workshop leaders and friends around.

Third, we may begin a one week visitors program. This program would facilitate visits by people who can't come for a full three weeks. Besides being good for recruitment, it would broaden our range of potential members.

Attention all you long-suffering outsider-worlders who vainly try to reach us by phone (or who, like my mother, gave up years ago): we have purchased a new phone system switch/PBX/computer thing, complete with the potential for individual member voice mail and automated answering and call directing ("for Harmony residence, please dial 27; for Kaweah Beechside residence, please dial 47; .... for the dairy barn please dial 37; for the sewage treatment plant, please dial ... ). But don't call yet (not if you expect an answer). It will probably be months before the new system is ready to go.

Lower population has left its mark in the garden. We are coming out of winter with few of our perennials well cared for. The new asparagus patch is in good shape, but the strawberries, raspberries, grapes and blueberries still need much weeding and mulching. On the other hand, lower population has left us with lots of sweet potatoes and squash still in storage. Potentially, this could save quite a bit of money for the food budget.

In 1997 we enjoyed an almost unbroken supply of lettuce. This year we've started even earlier, with an experimental January 7th sowing using soil blocks. A visitor group helped get '98 to as good start by making us 65 new seed flats. The first onions were sown in the greenhouse before the end of January! The greenhouse is a beautiful haven at this time of year, with all the vibrant salad plants.

Two upcoming garden unknowns are the weather and the crew. El Nino may bring us a wet spring, which may delay planting. We need to recruit and train quite a few new people for the crew.

The big dairy program news is that once-a-day milking began on January 31st! It's an experiment, of course, so wish us luck . Late last summer an Australian visitor mentioned that the Dharmananda community's herd of Jersey cows is milked once a day. We'd never heard of such a thing. When the dairy manager, Cameron, asked our vet why she had never suggested it, she said, "It never occurred to me." The other dairy farmers she deals with want as much milk as they can get, so they milk twice (or even three times) a day. But at T.O. maximum milk production is not our only concern. For several years it has been difficult, at times impossible, to find the necessary seven Oakers willing to milk the cows. So, once-a-day milking could solve that problem and save a big chunk of labor too.

The other new dairy experiment is cross-breeding our Holstein cows with Dutch Belted bulls. If successful, after 5 generations we will have a full-bred Dutch Belted herd. Why do this? Compared to Holsteins, Dutch Belteds give less milk but are healthier, more fertile, calf more easily, and graze more efficiently.

1998 is our first full year of vegetarian sausage production. We're making breakfast and chorizo (spicy hot) soysages and a mushroom pate. People usually find themselves really liking one or more of them. Sales are climbing, causing a small scramble for labor. Right now, Charlottesville and Richmond are the target markets, with more on the horizon. The main ingredient of the pate is okara, a tofu production by-product.

Every so often the planners try to improve communications with members. After all, many people don't come to public meetings. Many don't read the O&I board. Many don't respond to surveys. There have been "planner lunches," "planner breakfasts," hammock shop "planner forums" to discuss whatever's up, meetings featuring the latest new facilitation techniques, and so on. This fall's latest effort, the Thursday afternoon planner happy hour, did not have an auspicious start. When the talk turned to art and censorship (in response to the then-current hammock shop calendar art – see last Leaves issue), the atmosphere turned decidedly not happy. Not completely discouraged, the planners went on to host several happier happy hours during the following weeks.

After a year or so of more or less intensity, the video controversy lives on. In early January, the Planners posted a new policy which is a sweeping liberalization of traditional T.O. agreements. It gives small living groups (SLGs) the authority to allow private video in living rooms or even personal bedrooms. An appeal of the new policy fell short of the required signatures. However, there is a proposal to try again to find a second video space that would suit the needs of videophiles better than the current Degania back room which is only available from 7pm to 7am, has funky furniture, etc. Stay tuned.

Faithful pickup truck Mudlick is retired after 12 years and about 250,000 miles. And we don't mean new rubber on the wheels. Brought to Twin Oaks many years ago by Legion, Mudlick was one of two similar off-white Toyota pick-ups. (The other, Sandino, died of engine failure years ago.) As it became bumpier, noisier, and draftier, and as the charm wore off of seeing the heater controls light come on only after hitting a bad pothole or railroad track, there were more and more requests in the vehicle sign-out book: "not Mudlick please."

Our "new" 1994 Toyota pickup is dark blue, cost $8,000 and arrived with a mere 50,000 miles on it. It also features AC and a CD player – woah! The traditional hammock shop naming party was exceptionally poorly attended, but the hard core who came eventually christened it "Navy Gravy." Ordinarily it is difficult to say what goes on in the minds of naming-party-goers, but in this case the crowd seemed swayed by McCune's eloquent appeal that we use this occasion to recognize the long-time cultural revolutionary and community-builder Wavy Gravy. Runners up included Deja Blu, Blue Gehrig, Boy George, Blue Velvet, and Whipplelick.

As a group, Twin Oaks strongly resists outside world political involvement, but individuals here work for or against various issues. Movement Support is an ongoing area that provides community hours and funds in support of social change activities. The most active social change effort here these days aims to close the School of the Americas (aka the School of the Assassins) at Fort Benning, Georgia. The school, funded by the U.S., provides military training for right-wing Central and South American military personnel. Members Ione, Marione and Stevik were among the 601 arrested at Fort Benning in November during a non-violent protest.

Marie, Allegra, Kat, Marione, Cleo and Pam recently collaborated in pooling resources for an array of quilting projects. Each person cut 200 2-inch squares of fabric and then met with the group to trade squares and quilting tips. Everyone left the exchange with a much wider range of fabrics. The quilters will make cushion covers, wall hangings and a watercolor border for a large quilt. See their work displayed at our 1998 anniversary art show in mid-June/

Comings and Goings

In November, Haley and her dog Roxy moved to Louisa. She's dividing her working time between local cooking and sewing jobs. Marsha and Cora also left in November, moving to Charlottesville, where Marsha works for the University of Virginia and Cora continues at the Montessori school. They were joined in December by Jon, who frequently consults with the new tofu business managers and is making plans to start a new natural foods company. New members in November were Mosha, from New York City, and Gofannon, from the Philadelphia suburbs.

In December, Danny, Karen and Janus dropped their memberships. Danny and Janus both moved to Charlottesville. Danny, a budding singer-songwriter, is pursuing his musical interests and working at a sign-making shop. Janus is working for Region 10, a local mental health organization. Karen moved back to northern Virginia to be closer to her daughter. We gained a new resident in December: Lori, who just turned eighteen. She moved here from the D.C. suburbs with her pet rat, Penelope.

January saw two new residents arrive: Kathy, from Australia, and Arno, from the Netherlands. Also, we gained three new members: Kwin and Chloe came from Florida, after community-hunting for several months; and Louis made the big move from nearby Acorn. Our population gain in January was five!

As of this writing in February, Cristy and Dusty have departed for nearby Bakers Branch. Cristy is working for Hale & White, a construction company owned by ex-members. Ken (of tofu business fame) became a provisional member, after being a resident for several months. Ira has moved back to Twin Oaks from Acorn (she's a dual member of each community; now it's our turn to have her). And Peter has just done the opposite, going to Acorn.

Quickies

Fatherhood at Twin Oaks

A year or two ago, my father suffered a series of strokes which threatened his life and, combined with years of substance abuse, ultimately left him partially disabled. These significant events motivated me to take more seriously my relationship with my father, a relationship which up to that point had been troubled at best, and virtually non-existent for the previous several years, during which we hadn't spoken or seen each other. I realized that if I waited for him to take healing steps towards me, I might wait in vain until he died.

So I have been taking steps towards exploring my relationship with my father, and fatherhood in general. i also have a passion for the culture of community, and this led me to look more closely at fatherhood at Twin Oaks. I asked each father here if he'd be interested in participating in this project, by writing down his thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams, about his role as a father, his relationship with his own father, how those two roles may interact, or anything else about fathering.

Valerie

Gordon:

I never thought much about being a father beforehand. It just sort of "happened" to me. (I did think about accepting the commitment of parenting before doing so.)

All else being equal, I think people make better parents when they've had direct, responsible experience with children beforehand, starting with babyhood.

My own father died when I was ten years old. I don't have much conscious recollection of him, but I imagine he had subtler influences on me. He shared a lot of knowledge about a wide range of information. That's something I enjoy doing with my kids.

A big challenge in parenting is relating to co-parents. It's easier for fathers than for mothers to be less involved with their kids.

When I read heartwarming reminiscences about fathers, I sometimes fantasize being the subject of one such. I also mildly dread being the father of a grown child who has a lot of "issues" to work out with me. But it would be OK for he or she to work out such issues with me if it really helps them live a better life afterward.

Ted:

My son Arlo is a happy child. I think one of the most important qualities someone can have is to know how to enjoy themselves. I plan on continuing to encourage his development of social skills like dealing with anger, expressing himself in healthy ways and taking an interest in other people. I'd also like to make sure he has the survival skills he needs when he wishes to be on his own. Skills like cooking and knowledge of nutrition, having a knowledge of hygiene and first aid and having some marketable skills. Maybe I can learn some of this stuff myself while he's growing up.

My hopes and dreams are to encourage him to become an adult that is happy, physically and emotionally healthy, prepared, expressive and wants to call and visit his father a lot. I don't really notice my father reflected in my parenting much. When I was growing up my father never spanked me, which was radical at the time (I suppose it still is). That was good, and I share the same principle. I suppose it is easier to take the qualities I didn't like in his parenting and realize how they affected me. A lot of parents want to give their children what they didn't have--emotionally, as well as physically. As a child, I always hated to be yelled at for something I couldn't have known better not to do. Of course, this is something that a lot of people do. I have tried hard to give feedback in a respectful manner. A lot of people don't show as much respect for children as for adults in their orders and requests, but we teach by modeling our own behavior. It's never necessary to use anger as a way to try to get someone to do what you want, especially children. It really only makes things harder. It's okay to get angry, but it's not okay to do anything hurtful because you are angry, and it's so easy to get angry with kids. That's probably the hardest part of doing childcare--taking the moments between some behavior that makes us angry and our reaction, and discharging the anger in a healthier way than at the child.

What I remember from the time when I was older and left home is that my dad wanted to make my decisions for me, rather than encourage me to think for myself. It took me a long time to convince him not to treat me like a child and to give up his role as "daddy." I like being Arlo's "daddy," but I'm trying to prepare myself to accept new roles as he changes.

Both of my parents rejected their parents' religions (Christian Scientist and Catholicism) and I was brought up with the freedom to decide for myself what is the nature of our world and what is not true. I am very glad. I see so many people who believe things that excuse them to be hurtful and the only way I can imagine that they came to their conclusions is that their parents believed these things and then they picked them up or were told to believe them. I would like to tell Arlo my beliefs are the one true path, but I will let him decide for himself what to believe.

It seems to me that being a parent is the most fulfilling thing anyone could ever do.

Rollie:

At the coffeehouse on a cool evening Alyssa with only a t-shirt and shorts on is cold so to keep her warm she sits on my lap and Elijah sits on her lap.

One afternoon at the pond Chris would respond to my directions of "act like": dolphins jumping, mermaid in love with a fisherperson, a submarine - then I would clap at his performance. Chris, Alyssa, Maia and I then played a rousing game of baseball in the pond with a beachball and a foam noodle for a bat.

At dinnertime in the Child Dining Room on a mattress Chris is being thrown against the padded walls, pummeled, wrestled down and jumped on by Cora and Elijah.

In ZK, Alyssa runs up to Imani and cries "Imani" with love and excitement and swoops her into her arms while Imani laughs with glee.

Keenan:

I like being a father. I feel a sense of completion. I can't really tell if that's due to cultural expectations or due to some genetic programming. Mothers have described to me the rapturous feelings they gain from being mothers and I can't say that I share that. I often feel joyful around Rowan, but I have felt equally or more joyful from completing some difficult project or from winning the adulation of my peers. Being a parent hasn't pushed me across some threshold of boundless joy.

I do, however, worry a lot more. Kristen's pregnancy was very stressful for me, primarily because I was so powerless. I am very grateful that there are things that I can do, bounce Rowan to sleep, get him to laugh by throwing him in the air, that Kristen can't . I can see where a group of men might have sat around thousands of years ago, feeling powerless because they couldn't nurse or be the main source of comfort for their children, and decided to invent the patriarchy in order to rebuild their self-esteem.

I feel vastly more confident as a parent since I have practiced so much more on other people's kids. I am aware of kid's developmental stages. I have read lots of books about child rearing. After all these years of practice I now have good "instincts". I can't imagine being a parent without a lot of practice (as in my father's case). What a scary prospect!

One idea I got from my sister is to write a journal to Rowan. My plan is to turn it over to him when he's ten. In the journal I write my thoughts about parenting, what he is doing at different stages, what his life is like now, what my life is like now, things like that. I am also writing the journal as a reminder to myself.

I want to have rituals for Rowan as he matures. When Rowan is ten I want to go camping just with him. I want to spend that time talking about his ideas of who he is and what he wishes to become. I also want to talk to him about my perception of his strengths and weaknesses as well as my own strengths and weaknesses, especially as they relate to being a father. After a period of time I want to give him the journal and leave him on his own for a day or two. Then I will return, bringing some gifts to signify a passage to adulthood. I'm also toying with several ideas to incorporate as a rite of passage. I would want to do a similar ritual when he turns 15. I hope to be attentive to who Rowan is as a person and in as many ways as possible encourage him on the path to empowerment and independence.

Acorn News

Although fall and winter are often times for people to settle and stay in one place through the colder months, we've had plenty of movement, both in and out of Acorn. The last few months we had a lot of action about animals (chickens) , and now it seems people are the main focus.

Long time member Brian (Suwelo) returned to Ohio in the fall, soon after the Communities Conference. He's doing okay there, not quite sure of his plans, but in a good position for having time and space to think things over. Another long time member, Louis, has recently moved to Twin Oaks and is getting settled in there pretty well. Acorn and Louis are considering a new twist on our associate member option, in order to maintain close ties with Louis without him having to live here for extended periods. This seems more possible because he'll be living so close by. Vine had been here, doing an associate residence for several weeks, but he has returned to Wilmington, NC. As for arrivals, Peter returns from Twin Oaks and Will returns from Canada. Since these are both folks who have been sorely missed during the whole time they've been gone, it's great to have them back. They'll have to be careful not to be overworked, though, since nearly everyone has a pet project they are hoping to entice Peter and or Will to work on. We welcome new member Kathy, with her sons Kasey (15 years) and Skyler ( 7 years) This is the first new family we've had join in two years, so it is a big step. And, Oriah is finally starting to show just a bit, so the new baby, due in early May, is starting to seem more real to everyone. Discussions related to baby co have gone smoothly enough so far, thankfully. By this summer we'll have doubled our child population from three to six, expanding the age range to be from infant to teenager.

A third group of folks is visitors; we had two different "controversial" visitors who have come, visited, and gone all in one fell swoop. Both of these have provided solid opportunities for self-examination by the community, and although the people themselves have moved on, the dynamics they highlighted for us have not disappeared at all.

The first situation was the perennial community dilemma of a current member falling in love with a visitor who many people found challenging; this was as difficult for the group as would be expected. The current state of resolution is that the visitor won't be joining and the member is considering spending a month with him, to explore their potential relationship more carefully. Spring will tell.

Most people felt okay about another visitor, but then we realized that she had not done any labor sheets and did not plan to start doing them. This was an awkward situation, since some people here don't do their sheets either, and most people want to get rid of the sheet system entirely, but it is not gone yet. So, her application process was halted, to give us more time to think things over and get more clear about our expectations about labor and labor sheets. She has moved on to visit a Catholic Worker farm near here, and has some other ideas lined up, too.

Other things have been happening on the farm, though, not only people and their relationships. The community supported agriculture (CSA) has been active all winter with projects that will lead to more subscribers and better selection and service. Cricket has been leading a project to improve the water systems, to make watering easier and more consistent. So far about 40 feet of pipe have been dug up and, sadly, many leaks have been discovered, Although the final plans are not decided, it seems likely we'll end up replacing whole sections of pipe, and perhaps installing whole new lines to various parts of the farm and gardens. It's an expensive set of projects, but a worthwhile investment in the general infrastructure of Acorn, as well as for CSA. It's the time of year to be signing up for CSA shares and we're planning to expand this year. We'd like especially to expand in the Louisa area; if we have enough local subscribers we'll be able to offer a choice of two different delivery day/sites in Louisa, plus, we'll continue in Charlottesville, perhaps picking up a few new people there.

Big news in the world of the children. Zack is well on his way to becoming a computer guru, already knowing more about the computers than some adults here. Sage is more eagerly entering the world of words and writing AND has learned to tie his shoes! Tobin has started ballet classes and has added "ballerina" to her list of things to be and do when she grows up. (The list currently includes race car driver, fire fighter, hammock maker, and mom.) Kasey and Skyler have only been here one day so far, so we don't know them well yet. And the baby, well . . . that darling isn't even born yet, after all!

Sassifrass, born February 24th, 1997

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